Coffee?
by crackheadsincorpotated
Summary: GET REAL FIC-R to be safe, it's humour, way after the movie ends, um, you'll like it, just read it, we're not responsible for your brain damage
1. Default Chapter

The following is an extremely fucked up fanfic based on the brilliant movie _Get Real_. Nothing is owned here, and no offence is meant towards Savage Garden on there song, it's just frickin corny that's all. If you haven't seen the movie or want to keep your sanity we would suggest pushing the back button now. And for those of you who forgot, _Get Real_ was about a young gay man so this is inevitable filled with homosexual themes, if you don't like that, why'd you even click on the link? And flame away as you must this was meant as a piece of humour based fiction written by two extremely crazy people, so now that the warnings are done you may proceed as you please either with the back button or on to the next chapter.

-ravenblade & eternalpessimist 


	2. 1

Chapter 1: Cat and Mouse

I walked into the kitchen and got a coke from the fridge. Then sitting down at the kitchen table and I started thumbing through the mail while drinking my soda. I saw a letter addressed to me and knew with out looking at the return address who it was from, I tossed the letter into the trash.

"Why can't he bloody leave me alone?" Sitting back down at the table I finished my soda then reluctantly picked the letter out of the trash and shoved it in my pocket. I was about to leave the kitchen when the door opened and my mother came in with her arms full of groceries.

"Steven, hun, could you go get the rest of the groceries from the car?"

"Yep." I went and got the rest of the groceries and started to help her put them away.

"So are you excited about graduation?"

"Yeah, I guess. Not much to get excited about." 

"Sure there is. You'll be going to college in the fall, and your moving out in August. I'm going to miss having you around."

"Mum, please don't start the 'I miss you, you grew up so fast' nonsense again. Please?"

"Fine I won't but I will mi..."

"MUM! You said you wouldn't and now you are!"

"Ok, Ok," Sarah Carter looked at her watch. "Steve, I've got to go pick your father up from work. Could you make some rice while I out?"

"Yeah."

My mum left and I started boiling water for the rice. I sat down and remembered the letter shoved in my pocket. I took it out and stared at it for a few moments, I knew what it was going to say, I didn't want to deal with it right now so I shoved it back in my pocket.

Later that evening while I was in my room trying to finish up an essay for class. My thoughts kept drifting to the letter waiting for me in my pocket. It sat there like a bomb waiting to explode.

"Oh bugger," I reached into my pocket and started opening the letter. "I don't know why I put myself through the torment of reading this rubbish it's always the same crap every time." I pulled the letter out of the envelope and started reading.

Steven- 

Why haven't you returned any of my letters? Or called? I need to talk to you. I know you will never forgive me and probably will never even read this, but I want to make you forgive me. I will do any thing for your forgiveness if it means we can at least be mates again, if not more. It's almost been a year since we last talked please just write me back, tell me you hate me, that you never want to hear my name again it doesn't matter I just need something. Please, just answer me.

Love, 

Johnny

Who did that bastard think he was sending me this crap? Every time I got one of his letters I had just stopped thinking about answering the last. It made it really hard to forget about him and move on. He has even called several times, the first of which I answered then hung up once I knew who it was. I stopped answering the phone after that either my parents got it or the machine did. I told them both if he called that I didn't want to talk to him, no matter how important he said it was. I will be glad when I move out and he doesn't know my phone number, or address. I only have 'til August, three months. Then I move into my apartment. The negatives about moving out are that I have to be 'more responsible', Me and Jess are going to share and apartment close to the college that were both going to. I wish I could have take a year off and went travelling, but I decided that it would be best to just start school in fall. Besides where would I get the money for travelling, working in my dad's photo shop?

I had just gotten home from school and Linda was sitting on my bed reading what could only be the letter from John.

"Steven, how long has this wanker been sending you this crap?" Linda sounding pretty angry, not good. I never wanted her to find out about the letters, or the calls.

"Huh? What letters?" I knew playing dumb wouldn't work on Linds but it would at least buy me time to think of a good excuse. 

"Steve, please don't bull shit me right now. How long has be been mailing you?"

"Since he got to Oxford."

"Well I glad you haven't been writin' him back, you don't need that jerk in your life."

I tried to hold back my tears because I knew the truth was I did _need _him in my life, I just wasn't sure if I _wanted _him in it.

"Oh, hun come here." Linda put her arms around me and started rubbing my back. "I know it must be hard for you, but we all know you can do better than him and someday you will."

"But what if don't want to do better than him."

"Steven, you might be in love with him, but we both know you do want someone better than him."

"Yeah, I guess so." I really didn't want someone better than John, just a John more secure with himself. 

"How 'bout we go for a drive?"

"Yeah ok, That sounds good but not too long, I have some home work."

"Babe, from the way I hear your dad yell you haven't been spending much time on that homework."

"Your right, let's go for a long drive , then when I get home he might just be asleep."

We went downstairs and I wrote a note to my parents while Linds got the keys. 

"So Mr. Carter where to?"

"As far away as we can go and still be back by 8:00."

"Awwwww, your no fun, I thought this was an all-nighter."

"Not tonight Linds, not tonight." I tried to be happy, it was just hard.

"Is this sour mood because of John? We could go see him if you'd like?"

"NO! You know I don't want that."

"I was just teasing Steve."

"Sorry."

We didn't drive that far, just out to some close country roads. Linda pulled into he driveway when I noticed a rather familiar car parked in front of my house.

"Oh fuck,"

"What forget something?"

"No that's John's parents' car parked in front of my house." I was beginning to worry.

"What the hell would they want?"

"I don't know. Linds can I sleep at your house I don't want to go home?"

"Steven Carter your going to go home and find out what they want right now!" 

"I guess I should, shouldn't I? Thanks for the drive Linds."

I got out of the car and walked as slowly as humanly possible to the door. I braced myself for what could come and opened the door.

"Mum, Dad, I'm home."

"Steven, could you come into the kitchen please?" My dad sounded irritated. shit. 

"Yeah, what's up."

"Sit down honey." My mum handed me a cup of tea.

"Steven we got this in the mail today," Raymond handed me a folded piece of paper. "We hoped you could explain it to us."

"Um, ok." I was confused on why their mail involved me, then I opened it and started reading.

Mum, Dad,

I'm sorry for not telling you in person, but I thought you would pay more attention to a written letter. I'm gay. It's not a 'phase', it's who I am. I don't want to hide it anymore....

"Um, If you don't mind my asking, what does this have to do with me?" I realised after I had asked what it probably had to do with me. 

"Keep reading." Raymond sounded more irritated then my dad did. I continued reading, though I knew what was probably coming.

I don't care if you accept it or not. I would like it if nothing would change between us, I hope that you can continue loving me as your son and not stop loving me just because of who I love. I have already lost someone that I love more than life itself because I wasn't brave enough to tell anyone that I loved him and I hope that I don't loose you because I was finally brave enough to tell you this. 

Love, 

John

I was stared at the letter for several minutes before my mum interrupted my thoughts.

"Steven, are you ok?" I had told my mum about me and John eventually, she had obviously already known though.

"Yeah mum, I'm fine. I still don't know what this has to do with me though."

"Steven we only want you to help us understand this." Raymond leaned towards me with pleading eyes.

"Ok," I looked at Veronica then at Raymond. "From the beginning?"

'Yes" they both answered.

"Ok, well it, um, we, um, we met at the, um ball, well we already knew each other from school but we met each other at the ball, well not really _at_ the ball more like after the ball." I told them about everything, leaving out the details. I looked up at them, they were staring at me, their mouths were practically hitting the floor.

"Um, Steven we just wanted you to help us understand John being gay, not um...." Veronica wasn't sure what to say.

"Fuck me." I muttered.

"STEVEN!" My dad heard me.

"Sorry. I just, forget it." I left the room and went up to my bedroom. I don't think I can ever speak to any of them again. I tried to go to sleep but I couldn't stop thinking about when John's parents tell him what I said.

I got about thirty minutes of sleep before I had to wake up before school. I did manage to do my homework thankfully. I was walking to my locker when I heard someone call my name. I turned around and saw Jess.

"Hi Jess." I manage to force a smile.

"Steve, you look like shit what's wrong?" 

"I had a long night last night."

"What happened?"

"You don't want to know, Let's just say I did something really stupid."

"Stupid, how. Steven just tell me."

I told Jess everything that happened.

"God, and I always thought that you were smart!" She started laughing.

"Jess don't laugh, it really isn't funny. I mean. God I'm so stupid." I hit my head against the locker.

"Steven stop that it's not gonna help anything."

"I know I just don't know what I'm gonna do because things with my dad were just getting normal, but I'm sure that last night changed everything."

"Come on, we'll be late for class."

"Ok, let's go."

We got to class on time, thankfully I have to make it to class on time once in a while.

After school I was walking out of the school with Jess, Mark, and Wendy when I saw an all to familiar figure leaning against the gates.

"Oh fuck!" 

"What?" Mark and Jess asked.

"Oh, um I forgot something in my locker go ahead without me. I will talk you guys later. Ok? bye!" I ran off before they could say anything, I needed to get away from John as quick as I could. I walked inside and then out towards the field, I was gonna take the long way home. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	3. 2

****

Chapter 2: Hi My Name's John Dixon . . .

I was getting ready to watch a video when the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hi John."

"Oh, hi mum what's up?" I wondered if they had got my letter.

"Um, we got your letter John."

"And?"

"And do you remember that Carter boy, he was a year behind you?"

"Yeah, why do you ask?" I never said anything about Steven in my letter.

"Well, your father and I went to his house to talk with his parents, and get advice about well, John we love you but we never expected this, and we were just seeing how they dealt with it."

"Anything else?" I hope to god they didn't talk to Steven.

"Yes, we showed their son the letter and asked him to help us understand, you know, what you are probably dealing with and, he um, misunderstood the question. He told about the, um, relationship you two had last year."

"Really? Did he happen to say if he still had feelings for me?" I hoped that he had. I want him back so bad.

"WHAT? John I am NOT your dating service, if you want to know find out on your own. I have to go now. Goodnight" My mum hung the phone up before I could say anything. I think I scared her but I didn't care I needed to know if she knew anything.

After tossing and turning all night I decided since I had three days off of school I would go try see Steven, I know that I am on the verge of becoming a 'stalker' but I was willing to risk it.

I left around noon. I didn't stop at home I figured I would do that later, I just wanted to see Steve. I was waiting at the gates at school when I saw him. He must have seen me because he turned and started walking the other direction, I couldn't help but to follow. He started running across the field, I knew that I could run faster than him and catch up.

"Steven!" I called out to him but he just ran faster. I caught up to him and tackled him to the ground.

"John, please just let me go!" his voice was filled with tears and his eyes were misting over.

"Steven, no! I need to talk to you!" 

"Why?"

"Because, I need you to understand me! I need you to listen to me!"

"What if I don't want to listen?"

"Steven, you don't need to be so fucking difficult, all I want to do is make things right between us. I just want you to understand how sorry I am for everything and I know that I've told you this all thousands of times before but you need to listen for once."

"I'm listening." He sounded reluctant to agree to listening, but I knew he would listen.

"I just, just......' I was at a loss for words. I finally had his attention and I didn't know what to say. "I don't know what to say."

"My god John you stalk me, chase me, and now you don't even know what to say to me."

"Let's talk about you, you know just because I told my parents that I was gay doesn't mean I wanted you to tell them what we did on their antique oak table!"

"I didn't tell them about that!.....did I?"

"No, you might as well have though. Steven, will you please just tell me why you wouldn't write me, or call?" I needed to know, I didn't care if it wasn't what he wanted to talk about I did. 

"Well I don't think that you really deserve an explanation, but I will give you one. I didn't want to talk to you because I knew that if I did I wouldn't be able to fight my feelings for you, and I just don't think that I could go through any of that again."

"But, Steve I never wanted us to go back to what it _was_ I wanted to start over. A fresh relationship, with no lies."

"I don't even know if I should do that. I want to but, god do you know how hard this is for me?" Steven started to cry again. "All I want to do is forgive you and for us to start over again, but I know that I will just get hurt again."

"You won't, I promise."

"You've broken promises before, why should I trust this one?" He had every right to question my promises. 

"Because, last time I broke my promise because I was insecure about who I was. Steve I'm willing to tell the whole world that I love you, even if you won't be with me." I was and I would. I was at the same point in life that Steven was a year ago, I was sick of hiding who I was and sick of people not loving me for who I really was.

"Well, you know prize day _is_ coming up soon and you could...."

"I don't think so, I'm not as fond of public speaking as you. Besides copycats aren't too cool."

"Come on you know you want to!"

"How 'bout I hire a plane to fly over Basingstoke with a banner that says 'John -fucking superman- Dixon is GAY and LOVES Steven Carter'. Is that what you want?"

"Well it sounds good to me!" 

"Does it then?" I hoped that he was beginning to like being around me again.

"Don't know, I don't think it's the same as saying it to peoples faces." Steven still didn't sound as though he trusted me. Well, I would just have to make him believe me.

"Come on Steve." I got up and helped him up. I started walking across the field, still holding Stevens hand. 

We walked out of Belvedere's front doors towards the crowd of people.

I walked up to a circle of them and squeezed myself in. "Hello, my name is John Dixon, I was the Head Boy here last year. I'm gay, and I'm in love with Steven Carter." to prove my point I pulled Steven over and kissed his cheek. I walked away from the astonished group of people, and towards another. I started over again. "Hello, I'm John Dixon. I'm gay, and this bloke is the love of my life."

I went from group to group, pulling Steven along with me. Finally I reached the last. "Hi, I'm John Dixon, I'm gay and - - - HI Dave, haven't seen you around lately. Anyway, I'm gay, and Steven Carter and I are lovers." 

I walked back to my car, dragging Steven along by his hand. Once in the car I started laughing. "You're right Steve, admitting it to peoples faces is much more fun." I collapsed in the seat.

"Bloody hell John, what are you on?" 

"You I wish." I thought for a minute. "Strike that, I wish you were on me."

Steven was silent a minute. "Have you talked to your parents yet?"

"'bout what?"

"The letter you wanker." 

"Oh yeah, that. I talked to my mom last night -"

"What did she say?"

"That she wasn't my dating service." I mumbled

"What?"

"huh?"

"John Dixon!"  
"WHAT!!??"

"Never mind." Steven screamed. 

"You're so cute when you're angry." 

"Pillock." Steven muttered. 

"What, luv?"

"I didn't say anything. You can't be referring to me."

"Ok, whatever you say dear."

Steven huffed. "Can't you even play along?"

"There's that cute thing again." I smiled.

"Um John, I hate to ruin this lovely conversation, but ah, where are we going? Just wondering." Steven thought a minute. "I don't do the woods scene anymore."

I laughed. "Neither do I."

"Really? Where are we going?"

"Where do you think hun?"

"The moon?"

"So very close."

"All I have to say is that it better not be any closet."

"Are you crazy? I just got out of one of those. It took forever." I contemplated a second. "The door must 'ave been locked. And chained. With a bolt. And a steel door over the wooden one. With rabid dogs on the other side. And a couple bunnies."

"BUNNIES?"  
I stopped the car. "Oh my God where?!" I looked around.

Steven started laughing.

"What, have they gotten to you now? Oh no, is there one in the car?"

I opened the door and jumped out.

"Shit Johnny, really, what are you on?"

Forgetting the killer escape bunny that was hiding behind my seat ready to kill me I hopped back in the car. I grabbed Steven's hand, and smiled. "You called me Johnny."

Steven nodded his head. "Right. Um, I'll say this slowly," he took my other hand. "what . . . .are . . . . .you . . . . . . on?"

"I DON'T _DO_ DRUGS." I said through my teeth. I leaned closer to Steven, our faces centimetres apart. "Hold that thought." I said pulling away and starting the car.

"Where are we going?" 

"God Steven you sound like an 3 year old."

"You mean I'm straight?"

"Bloody well hope not."

"Really though, where are we going?"

"Look around Stevie." 

Steven blushed. "Oh." I stopped the car.

"Uh, John, what are you doing at my house?"

"Nothing that you need to worry your pretty lil' head about."

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	4. 3

**Chapter 3: What Steven Heard**

I walked into my house, a little scared of what John had planned. It was pretty obvious though.

"Mum, Dad?" I called. I turned to Johnny. "My parents aren't in."

John looked around. "Do you want to go up to your room?"

I nodded, "sure." and walked up the stairs. I hid my bear in the closet and sat down before John came up. I waited longer and still he didn't come. I'm sick and tired of waiting, even though my chair is not a park bench. I went back downstairs. john was sitting on the couch in the living room.

"Hi Steven." Johnny said.

"Oh hi Johnny, I didn't know you were still here. Um, why are you still down here? and not upstairs where you suggested?"

"In didn't suggest anything, luv. I just asked if you wanted to go up there. Now go on back upstairs, I'll stay here."

"John Dixon what do you have planned?"

"Nothing." I looked at him. "Okay okay, I can't stand lying to those eyes. If you must know, I just wanted to talk to your dad."

"Um Johnny, Dad doesn't like you."

"All the more reason."

I started to sit down on the couch by him, "I'll wait with you" but his strong arms caught me and pushed me gently forward. "Oh no Steven. You can not be in the conversation."

"And why not."

"'cause then I couldn't talk about you."

"Well I want hear this, and you can't make me leave the room."  
I was so wrong. John got off the couch, grabbed me by my waist and carried me upstairs.

"Now, luv, will you please stay here. This is something that I need to do alone, like the essay you wrote. Please?"

"Okay."

Johnny left the room. A few minutes later I followed him. The door to the living room was slightly open and I could eavesdrop easily without either him or my dad knowing. 

"Well Dixon what do you want?" I heard my dad. My mum came and joined me.

"Please, the name's John. Mr. Carter, I would just like to let you know that I love your son deeply, and I am sorry for anything and everything that I have done to hurt him, and I want to know if your can forgive me like he did. Also, Mr. Carter, I would like permission to date your son." 

My mouth fell to the floor. My mum put her hand on my back. Before Dad could respond, my mom pulled me away. I could hear Johnny still. 

"Hold on Mr. Carter, I want to close the door." That wanker. That bloody wanker. And what year did he think we were in, the 1600's. The only persons permission he needed was mine not my dad's. I went back up to my room.

had a disagreement, 


	5. 4

****

Chapter 4: The True Conversation. 

After I had shut the door I walked back over and sat down. 

"Mr. Carter, I hope you can forgive me. That wasn't what I really wanted to ask you but I knew that Steven would be listening and I didn't want him to hear what I was going to ask." I somehow knew that wanker would be at the door listening and I knew I had to give him something to think about.

"Ok, John what is it that you want to ask me?" Graham looked a bit confused.

"I know that this seems sudden but, you have to understand that I don't intend this right away I'm just wanting future reference"

"Please, I had a long day at work John Just spit it out"

"I want to know if you would approve of me asking Steven to marry me?" I was hoping that he would say yes, but I knew that he wouldn't. He had perfectly good reasons too.

"Um John, are you guys even a, um, couple?"

"Um, well I can't really answer that." I was stuck. I hope that this question wasn't the basis of his answer. "I don't plan on asking him right away sir I just want to know that when I finally find the moment when it seems _right_ that you would be ok with it." 

"You know you can't even get legally married here right?" I began to worry, he started finding reason's we couldn't, that's never a good sign.

"It doesn't matter to me if it's legal or not, either way it would still hold it's value to me. I don't need a legal piece of paper to tell that I'm going to love and honour someone for the rest of my life." I meant every word I said too. 

"John, it's ok by me with two exceptions; 1 if or when you guys do, um, get... married, neither of you wears a wedding dress. and 2 you understand that if you ever hurt my son again, I will personally see to it that your not able to move ever again. Do you understand me?"

"Yes. Um do you think that we could keep what I asked between you and me?"

"Yes."

"Thank you, Mr. Carter."

"John, call me Graham."

"Ok. Thank you Graham."


	6. 5

****

Chapter 5: ???? 

After Mum shooed me up to my room, I was relatively pissed off. I knew that that couldn't have been the full conversation. I looked at my computer and saw that the screen was blinking.

"Oh bugger." I must have left it on.

I clicked on the message from _jessie9._

jessie9: What's up Steven?

closethater3_: _HI Jess

jessie9: what was with you earlier?

closethater3: what do you mean?

jessie9: what do you think Steven? I know you didn't leave anything in your locker.

closethater3: I could have

jessie9: but you didn't

closethater3: no I didn't

jessie9: come on Steven, don't be an asshole

closethater3: it was John

jessie9: what?

jessie9: what do you mean it was John?

jessie9: is he back?  
jessie9: did you talk to him?

closethater3: jess,

jessie9: did you guys make up?  
jessie9: did you punch him like Mark said you should?  
closethater3: no, I didn't, and yes I did talk to him

jessie9: and . . . . what happened?  
closethater3: we shagged right in the middle of the hallway.

jessie9: get real Steven

closethater3: funny Jess

jessie9: couldn't help it. Sorry. So how did it go?

closethater3: pretty well, he's downstairs talking to my dad

jessie9: about what

closethater3: that's what I want to know, I don't want to go over it now, but I'll see you soon

jessie9: all right Steve

closethater3: and jess, could you not tell anyone that he's back in town?

jessie9: sure Steve.

I click off without responding and shut off the computer. Now I was getting a little scared. What could they be talking about? I glanced at my watch and saw that it had been an hour since that pillock shut the door in my face. Well, I don't care whether he wants me to be there or not, I was going to go down there.

I don't think I should have. I knocked on the door and asked if it was safe to come in, which it was, and I saw something very disturbing.

John and my dad were sitting by each other on the couch, watching a Dr. Who video, and John looked like he was actually enjoying it! The insanity of it all. 

When I walked in Dad moved from the couch to a chair so that I could sit by John. To me it was the seat in hell. I walked out the door calling for mum. 

"What is it Steve," I found her in the kitchen.

"Dad's killing John."

"What?"

"He's poisoning him!"

"My God Steven, what do you mean."

"He's making him watch Dr. Who videos."

"OH God." Mum walked to the living room. I don't know whether she was more afraid of John being poisoned, or submitted to Dr. Who. 

"Graham dear, don't you think we should give the boys some time alone?"

"I don't think so Sarah." 

"Dad!"

"Come on Steven, if it was your girlfriend I wouldn't leave you alone either."

"Graham!"

"Well I wouldn't." Dad said defensively.

"Just to let you know Dad, technically me and John are just friends."

Dad raised an eyebrow and looked at John, who shrugged. 

"Whatever helps you sleep at night." John looked at dad, and shook his hand. "As much as I have enjoyed watching Dr. Who with you Graham," did John just call my dad by his first name? What exactly were they doing? "I think that Steven and I should have a talk, if it's alright with you."

"Of course it is John." Dad said. This is just too creepy.

John nodded at mum. "Mrs. Carter,"

"Sarah"

"Sarah," John corrected himself. 

He walked out and pulled me along by the shoulder. I didn't know what to do. 

When we got outside I looked at Johnny. "You brainwashed both of them, didn't you?"  
"No, luv, I just talked to you dad. You know, Dr. Who isn't that bad."

I stared at him as I got into his car. "Think before you speak Johnny."

John laughed. 

"Uh, where are we going?"  
"You know, you're starting to sound like a broken record. To my house."

"So, why exactly am I going?"

"I said we needed to talk."

"I still don't see what this has to do with your house John. If I remember right, it never took me that long to get to your house."

I smiled at John. He looked at me, his face searing with tenderness, and what else . . hope?

At last he looked away, and his hand went to start the car. Just then Linda walked out of her front door. Bloody hell, just like that, she walked out of her front door. Johns life might as well have been flashing before his eyes. and the car was parked facing her house, there was no way out of it. 

"Hey Steve, isn't that your friend, Linda?" he said it so casually, I was ready to laugh.

"yeah it is," John got out of the car.

"Linda, isn't it?" Linda eyed us both. "John Dixon."

"charmed, I'm sure." Lins smiled, but it was strained with rage.

"Right, uh, John and I were just leaving -"

"Steven Carter, you really are rude." She continued smiling and walked towards us more. "John and I were just properly introduced, though I must admit this isn't the first time I have seen him." Her tone was sweet, John was doomed.

"that's it, you were at the ball weren't you?"  
"And I was at your Prize Day assembly, and I saw you awhile before that, at the mall with Steven -" 

"Small world," I mumbled.

"Oh, and I don't think this is the first time I have seen you in this neighbourhood either." There was a tone in her voice that was beginning to be malicious.

"Yes, well, Steven has told me a great deal about you," John said when he had a chance to speak.

"That's my little tart, always thinking of other people. All good things I hope," Lins laughed. God, she was going to kill him.

"Of cour -" 

"He has told me a great deal about you also, a lot in fact" Lins arched an eyebrow at him, and I think John knew what she was insinuating, Because he blushed, it made him look young and innocent.

I coughed. "I hate to interrupt this moment Lins, but uh, John and I really must be going."

"Must you then?" She asked innocently, as she came over to hug me.

"Be nice." I whispered in her ear.

"Aren't I always, tart?" She smiled wickedly at me, and walked over to John, saying louder, "It was a pleasure to finally meet the legendary John Dixon," whatever John was going to say was lost as Linda hugged him. Whatever she said couldn't have been good, she looked much too pleased. 

"Catcha later then." I called.

"Not if I catch you first," she said, looking at John. We went back into his car.

There was silence for awhile, then I interrupted. "I don't think your house is far enough away to really talk, we're actually rather close now,"

"Not if we take the long way," John said, turning off to a side road.

Dust started swarming around us. 

"What did Linda say to you?" I asked.

john laughed. "I didn't know half the words she said to me. They sounded American, does she know anyone in the States?"

"She has this friend . . . anyway, what did she say?"

"The clean version: John, I don't care if you love him or not, if you hurt Steven in any way, shape or form, I'll cut off your head and use it as a car ornament."

I laughed. "You gotta love Lins." We lapsed into silence again. "Now I really know that you're on something, your getting your car dirty."

"The car doesn't matter," John said, inching along the road, his tone sombre. 

"Really John, what are you on?" I asked.

"Steven, can you please, please, be serious for a minute?" John pleaded. 

"No," I said, my voice flat. I didn't even think about it, I just said no. It was the truth, I couldn't be serious. I didn't _want _to be serious. When I was serious I always got hurt. I wouldn't go through that again. This surprised even me. I had been comfortable with John until now. Alone, in his car, going to his parents house. I wanted to start over with him, but I didn't know how, I didn't have the strength, I didn't want to _need_ the strength. I know that John has changed, and he said that he would never do anything to hurt me again, and I believed him, yet, somehow, this was all hurting me. John was probably already planning our future, without my permission. know what? Screw that, living spontaneously is more fun. 

I didn't look at John, but I could feel him looking at me. "You better watch the road."

"Screw the road." John said. Stopping the car. "What's got you so bloody pissed? I thought you had forgiven me."

"Did I say that? Hmm, doesn't really sound like me. Who could have? Let's think, shall we?" I paused for dramatic effect. "I can't think of anyone, can you? You must have imagined it. So sorry, better luck next time, mate." I said like a casino worker. 

John blasted the horn. "Why can't you just get over it?"

"Over what, am I over something?" I reached for the radio dial. "Wonder if anything goods on."

"Steven, will you just listen to me?"

"Getting a bit repetitive there, aren't ya John?" I flipped to a random station. The guy on it was talking. I sat back and stared at the dashboard. Finally the guy shut up about the guy who dedicated it to his _girl_friend, (yeah, right, that's what he thinks,) and the song started. I actually listened to the lyrics.

I knew I loved you before I met you   
I think I dreamed you into life   
I knew I loved you before I met you   
I have been waiting all my life   


I started laughing hysterically. OH, god, how great was this song, I can't believe the poor bloke who dedicated it! And then there's the one who wrote it, God, they're gonna kill me right now. I kept laughing. I tried to stop, I swear, but it was just so god dam funny! My sides started to hurt, I was bouncing around in the seat, I couldn't control it, I was just laughing. John was looking at me the whole time like I just murdered someone. When I saw his face I started laughing harder. I really, truly, couldn't help it. My ribs even hurt. Tears were streaming down my face. John turned the music off. I stopped laughing. And gave him a look. 

"I was listening to that, Jonathan," I pouted, then reached over and turned it on again. As I heard the song I started laughing even harder.   


there's just no rhyme or reason   
only this sense of completion   
and in your eyes   
I see the missing pieces   
I'm searching for   
I think I found my way home   
I know that it might sound more than   
a little crazy but I believe   
  
When the song was over John turned the radio off. 

"Out of your system?" He asked.

"Hmmmmm, NOPE, I don't think so! Depends on what they have on next." I said as I reached for the radio dial again. I turned on the radio and I heard some crap, "you are so beau . . ." 

"well fuck that!" I said under my breath. I turned it off before they could finish their words.

"Yep, definitely out of my system John." I grabbed the door handle. "I think I need some air." John locked the door. I tried to unlock it. Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn 21st century technology. Damn child-safety-lock. I clapped my hands together once. "Well, guess I won't be needing that air." John turned the radio back on. I turned it off. "No John, don't do it, it's not the answer. Just put your hand down and it'll all be ok." he turned it on, then pulled the detachable face off. I climbed in the back seat.

"What are you doing Steven?" John said worriedly. 

"OH, me? I was just wondering if the was one of those cars where you could get to the trunk from, so you know, I could, uh, make myself unconscious." John gave me a look. "Alright, I was feeling a bit in the mood, if you know what I'm saying, so I decided to come back here and have a shag with your leather seats. Do you think they'll mind."

"Steve, shut up."

"oh fine. Just for a minute though." I counted to sixty in my head. I was quiet the whole song. I was quiet. So was John. Why did I have tears in my eyes? This was just a song. I tried to make myself comfortable. Still, I was uncomfortable. I've got myself screwed now. Long talk ahead of me. When the song ended John turned down the radio. He caught gazes with me in the mirror. I looked away. 

"Steve, what is it?" John asked in a concerned tone.

"What? I didn't do anything to your seat mate!"

"I'm not your mate."

I was sent back to a time almost a year ago, with the same exact conversation, only the lines switched. I smiled ruefully. "What are you then?" John couldn't see my face, and I controlled my voice.

"I thought we were . . . fuck me." John said.

"I told you, I don't do it in public anymore." I said laughing. 

"What are you laughing at." His patience seemed to curb. 

"Don't you know what you just said?" I asked seriously.

"What did I just say?" He asked, concerned.

"How soon they forget." I said, almost sorrowfully. "Did you block that dreadful day out of your mind already?"

John thought a moment, then comprehension shone in his eyes. "Prize Day, before I walked out."

"Bingo! There's a Sherlock Holmes in the car everybody."

"Steven, do you want to come back up front?"

"No not really."

"Do you ever listen to anything I say?"  
"What? Oh, sorry, I can't seem to control my tongue, but then you would know that - sorry." I lapsed into silence.

"Ok Steve, I'm going to talk, and you're just going to listen, no obscene comments, okay? Good. I don't know what suddenly got into you, but I know that it isn't you. I'm sorry for thinking you apologized, I'm sorry for . . ." he swallowed hard, then continued. "doing what I did to you on Prize Day, I'm sorry for all the fascists, bigots, hypocrites, and homophobics in the world. But most of all I'm sorry for not being strong enough to join you, to help you, to love you, a year ago. But I'm ready now. I'm ready to let everyone know that I love you, but I really need you to forgive me. Please, Steven, forgive me. I'm so sorry." He turned to look at me in the seat, his eyes blaring into mine. I said nothing. Tears came into his eyes. "Aren't you even going to say something?"

"You told me not to." I said softly. He would have received it as a blow, but I said it so softly, so lovingly, it brought tears to my eyes as well. John's were streaming down his face, but I fought mine.

"Please Steven, just talk, your voice is so beautiful." John pleaded.

" Alright," I said, my voice growing stronger the longer I talked. "Can't you see Johnny? You're sorry for everything, apologizing for everything." John opened his mouth to talk, I silenced him, my voice strong, and a little harsh. "No John, I listened to you, now you listen to me. You said that you wished it had never happened, you think that I wished that none of it happened." I stopped to think and gather strength. "In my mind, I know that you're referring to all the bad things, but in my heart, I know think that you mean everything. The good things too." I swallowed tears. "I am not sorry for anything. Johnny. I don't wish anything happened differently, and I have no regrets." I ran my arm on his shoulder, more tears were streaming down his face. "Can't you see Johnny, that's all in the past. You wish you could change it, make it different. I don't. If things were different we would never have had what we did. But still it's all in the past." I frowned. "You think you know how hard this is for me? You don't, this is on the line between hard and easy. The past I can deal with, the future is harder.

"Do you remember what you wrote to me in your last letter? No. There were so many, I can imagine why. You said, an I-quote that you will make me forgive you. You will make me forgive you." I repeated for emphasis, clipping off the words and watching his face. He looked like he had just lost a body part he treasured. I looked at him deeply, a smile playing with my lips. "You can't make me forgive you. What you didn't know was that I had already forgiven you, when I said goodbye, I forgave you so long ago, but I had also let you go. I knew that we couldn't be together unless you could accept yourself for who you are, and now that you have, I don't know what to do. I want to be with you, I want to start a relationship where I can tell people, and you will be proud of our relationship. Like I said before, I only wanted you to be proud of us. You have to understand that I left you as John Dixon, the miserable, lonely, scared Head Boy who had everything going for his image, but nothing for himself. I wanted you to be proud of us, but mostly I wanted you to be happy. And now all that all come true, for once, I don't know what to expect, I like the feeling " I looked at the radio, then back at John. "You better call your mum, it's pretty late." 

John got out of the car and dialled his number on his mobile. Then walked a little distance away. I was remembering a time in the rain, when John had been trying to justify seeing a girl to preserve his image, the first time Johnny had told me that he loved me. It hadn't felt right then. Still, it didn't feel right. But I love him, and I know he loves me, what can't be right about that? Oh yeah, Dr. Who.

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	7. 6

Chapter 6: Family Consent

Done with the phone call, (or is it phone calls?) I walked back to the car, still a little afraid of him. His lovely little form was still huddled in the back, and he looked exhausted. How could anyone not love him? I had been such a pillock, but that was all over now. I quietly got into the car and fiddled with the radio.

"Haven't we had enough of that tonight?" Steven said from behind me. 

I smiled at him. "Not quite luv,"Steven looked embarrassed. 

"Uh John, about earlier, with the uh, radio and uh, songs and all, I ah, I don't know what came over me."

I looked at him with a straight face. "Liar."

Steven's lips twitched. "Right. So I do know. It's just a little weird."

"Steve luv, you are a very weird person. Just spill it will ya?" 

"Alright Johnny, if that's what you want. Well, when we were driving, I was just kind thinkin' that here I was with John fucking Dixon, who has told his parents that he is gay, not to mention my nameless pupils, and did God knows what with my dad. And I have no idea of what to do next. And I just thought to myself, Steven, now you and Johnny are stars in a bloody fairy tale. Your bleeding dream has finally came true. I have no idea why I thought that, and then you told me to be serious, and I just couldn't make myself do something, and then one thing led to another, and there was that song, that bloody fake song, and I just lost it." His beautiful eyes smiled, "promise I won't do it again. Can we start this whole car thing over from when I was sane?"

As if on cue a dedication could be heard on the radio. "To Steven from Johnny with all his love," musical strains once again filled the car. Steven got out, and I thought he was going to walk away, instead he came to my door, opened it, lavishly holding out his hand. 

"No time better than the present. May I finally have this dance John Dixon?" 

"Wild dogs couldn't keep me away." Smiling I slid into my lovers arms, the music seeming to fill the woods around us. We swayed in a loving embrace to 'You are so beautiful' as we should have earlier this evening and a year ago.

Steven looked up at me. "Didn't they play this already?"

"Different station pillock." 

"It's rather petty of you to have it replayed. You'll wear out the song, make it boring."

My hands sought his hair, "I love you Steven Carter."

"I know, me too."

When the song ended and we sat back in the car, Steven in the back again, me in the front, headlights turned on. 

"Shit, how long has that wanker been behind us?"

"I don't know, but that wanker is my bloody uncle."

"Lets give him something to watch, shall we." Steven said with that sexy evil grin on his face. Before I could do anything he reached forward and grabbed me in a passionate kiss. I got caught up in the kissing until I heard a knock on the window next to me. I reluctantly stopped kissing Steven and rolled down the window.

"Oi John."

"Hi Uncle Allen."

My uncle flashed his light in the back where Steven was sitting. "And what are you kids doing out here?"

"Just taking the long way home. Oh, this is Steven, my Uncle Allen," I made the introductions. "we were talking, and this little devil here got a little carried away"  
"Right." Steven said.

"We weren't going to do anything."

"Yeah, we've already been through that phase," Steven muttered.

"What Steven?" My uncle asked.

"Nothing sir."  
Uncle Allen looked at Steven and me in turn, settling on Steven. "Might as well call me Allen. Seeing as we're almost family."

I was speechless. Steven smiled. "Will do sir, Allen."

"Now you boys don't stop the next time you're taking 'the long way home' you hear. Someone just may not believe you." He arched his eyebrows. "John, we'll talk sometime, alright?"

"Well, yeah, can't wait, love to, it'll be fun." I stumbled over the words as he started walking away.

Steven started laughing in the back. "You alright John?"

'Yeah, sure." I watched as my uncle drive away, seeing a wane smile on his face I too smiled. I felt Steven's hand on my shoulder.

"Come on Johnny, lets finish with the rest of your family."

I looked back at him, then out in the sky. "Give me strength." I whispered.

He leaned forward and kissed me very softly, just barely touching my lips. I smiled at him. That was all the strength I needed. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	8. 7

****

Chapter 7: Hello Again

Johnny and I slowly drove to his house. I was so embarrassed about what had happened in the car, at least John seemed to understand. Even if I don't. 

We got there and sat in his car for awhile. "Oh bugger," he muttered angrily and got out of the car. I followed slowly. 

"I don't know whether I should knock or just walk in." He admitted sheepishly. 

Grinning I arched an eyebrow, thoughts going through my head. Johnny must have guessed what they were, because he looked at me and laughed. "You can be such a pillock sometimes."

"Come on, you know it would be funny." I patted his arm.

He took my hand in one of his trembling ones, "I'm game." He knocked on the door, Veronica opened the door, looking surprised when she saw John standing there.

"HI, I'm John and I'm gay." Looking startled Veronica looked from me to John, I was holding back laughter. 

"Who's at the door dear?"

Smiling wickedly at us she yelled into the house. "A bloke named John, I think he wants to talk to you."  
"Can you send him in?"

Keeping her voice level she said innocently, "Of course dear."  
When John walked by I could hear her whisper, "Good luck luv, though he already knows." John looked bravely at her, smiling at her encouragement, when he started walking again, she said still softly, "I love you John." John loosened my hand slightly in relief when she said that.

Veronica reached out and touched my arm as I walked pass, a subliminal message told me what she wanted. I winked at her, leaned toward John and whispered. "You go on, you can do this by yourself, I have faith in you." I kissed him lightly on the cheek, then released my hand from his and walked past his mum. 

"We'll be in the sitting room if you need us." Seeing both of us start to choke back laughter she looked from one to the other.

I leaned toward her, a smile enveloping my face, "Inside joke."

Though still looking puzzled she nodded. "Veronica, what are you and that man doing? I thought he wanted to talk to me."

"I know that he needs to dear." she answered back. I saw John smile.

"Oi Mum, why don't you ask Steven what he thinks of the sitting room?" With that he left, that pillock.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Veronica Dixon and I were sitting in the sitting room in silence. Not an uncomfortable silence that was to be expected by your boyfriends mother, but a kind of self acclaimed, agreed, accepted silence a mother would give to her sons friend, not boyfriend. The phrase sounds so good. _Boyfriend. JOHNS _boyfriend. Steven and John, a couple. John and Steven, lovers. Steven and John, John and Steven, together forever. Okay, so that was getting a little carried away, but damn it all to hell, I can hope can't I?

"So, uh, how are your parents, Steven?" Veronica asked as she poured wine into glasses.

"Quite fine actually." I accepted the wine.

"What was john saying about what you think of the room?"

I stifled laughter in my throat. 

"I hadn't realized that you have been in here before."

"Well, I had spent the weekend here, and I uh, got a um, tour of the house,"

"Ah yes, how could I have forgotten?"  
"Well, so much has happened since that day . . ." I started, trying to save her from her own thoughts. 

"Yes, so much has happened." Veronica agreed, almost whispering, studying the carpet, her pain-filled eyes lingering towards the door where John had disappeared. 

"How do you suppose they're doing in there?" I asked. sighing.

Veronica jerked her head to me. I smiled and nodded to where she had been staring. She blushed, realizing that she had been caught. "I think they'll be alright. It's just come as a bit of a shock, especially to Raymond, but, I uh, I guess you'd know that."

"Actually, I wouldn't. I told my parent, and uh, _other_ people in person, and, the circumstances are different." I stopped talking. Maybe I should just switch the topic. After all, last time I had talked with John's parents I got a little - 'carried away'

"Please Steven, go on."' Veronica set her glass of wine down.

"I don't know what John would think of us talking about him -" I watched as Veronica smile, then remembered that John had talked to my father. Ooh, right. Payback is just the best. "Well, I was just saying that I hadn't pretended to like girls, and I never had a girlfriend or anything, and that I" I dropped my eyes to the carpet. "I didn't tell my parents in a letter." I said, almost inaudibly. 

Veronica sighed, and I looked up. She was staring off into space. "And so we know the difference." She said, just as quietly as I had.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have, I didn't mean- it's just . . . we don't have to talk about this if you don't want to."  
"I want to." Veronica said strongly, tearing her gaze away from nothing and looking at my face. "I just want to know why he wrote us a letter, it seems to be the most cowardly thing he could have done."

"Not cowardly Mrs. Dixon, just the only way that he could." Veronica was silent, and I felt that she wanted me to say more. "I remember, when John and I were first . . . together, that he was just so afraid everyone would find out. He was afraid of what would happen. At school, he acted like he didn't even know I existed." I kept my voice toneless, and when I looked at Veronica, I could see that she was caught in the story.

"Why did you continue to see him after that?"

I smiled, this time my voice was warm. "I didn't know any better. He was my weakness, one even bigger than the fact that I'm gay." my voice changed back to being semi-monotone. "So, he apologized, and I forgave him. That's how it always is, he does something out of fear and hurts me, and I forgive him without a second thought."

"Except for the last time." Veronica said, I could almost hear her brain piecing everything together. 

"Except for the last time," I agreed. "I actually thought about it, about how much I had changed things within just a few moments." I shook my head, my tone sounding brittle to my ears. "But I forgave him. After he pestered and begged enough, I forgave him. I always do."  
"What happened? Between you two, I mean."  
"We had a disagreement, 


End file.
